This is just some of the stuff:
Housing
The house we are renting has been put on the market. "Open for Inspection"s commence this Saturday. I try to avoid housework at the best of times, but this obviously is not the best of times. Housework will have to become part of my "so called" routine.
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| I may be ambivalent about living here, but I want it to be my choice |
I'm confused about where I want to live. My head is spinning with all the possibilities and choices. I feel the need to act now, rather than wait for an outcome totally out of my control.
Mental Health
I finally saw a psychiatrist. I asked her, firstly, for a diagnosis, and secondly, for advice about outpatient programs in psychiatric hospitals.
Diagnosis-wise - I certainly have severe depression and unstable moods. I most likely do not have Bipolar II and probably not anything else, other than a vulnerable personality due to my life experiences. It's not that I want to have anything in particular, I just wanted to know what to do about how I am.
After some investigation by the psych, it turns out that psychiatric day programs are subject to very time-consuming and complicated intake and review processes. Not to mention waiting lists. What is the point of private health insurance, then? None, really. Unless I did something drastic and became an involuntary patient.
Once again, more evidence that mental health care in this country sucks.
I am left wondering whether a change of habits to include regular exercise, meditation and yoga, as well as more social interaction would provide better results than any psychiatric intervention. If only changing habits was that easy.... At least my sister is here for a while - maybe she can push me.
Business
Work or business? Do I start looking for a steady, stressful, mind-numbing job (yes, it is possible for a job to be stressful and mind-numbing), or do I pursue this notion of blogging/writing (or some other kind of self-employment) for my supper?
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| Yes, I am motivated by money. It may not buy me happiness, but it can make me feel safe. |
Ideally, I would love to work at a range of things - some writing, some speaking, some interaction with people, some technical work, some creative work. Except that I need it all to pay well. Extremely well - to support the lifestyle I am NOT accustomed to.
Can you help? What do you think I have to offer?
Blogging
Blogging ideas fill my head, but I lack the motivation to translate them onto the computer screen. If only I could plug the computer into my head and suck them out.
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| It's all about the blog.... My life is a blog, or is the blog my life? |
Ideas for posts, ideas for guest posts, ideas for products and submissions. So much to do, so little self-confidence or energy.
Not to mention that the Digital Parents Conference is zooming up with incredible speed and I only have a sketchy idea in my head about what I want to say in the My Blog My Story session.
Can you help? What would you like to hear?
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This is just some of the stuff that fills my head. It buzzes constantly around and around, only stopping when I write. I manage to write some of it out, but surely enough, more comes to fill the space.
The children add to the buzzing, constantly needing stuff like food, clean clothes and attention. Imagine that!
The kittens careen around the house smashing into my floor "filing system", scratching every scrap of furniture they can find and generally adding to the chaos.
I think I need a holiday......... Alone.....
What about you? What's in your head?
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If you'd like to see your logo here for the next 3 or 6 months check out my sponsorship packages for the Digital Parents Conference 2012:
Aaargh. Too much on one person's (any one person's) plate. What does your loving sister have to say in response to these quite specific questions. And does the act of writing them down as you did here help?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I have no answers, but am sending v good wishes your way.
I know this feeling well. Its so hard to get past too. I find if I write a list and focus on one thing at a time, I sort it out more. Your sister will be a great help to you, so take each day as it comes and only do what you can. xox
ReplyDelete"(yes, it is possible for a job to be stressful and mind-numbing), or do I pursue this notion of blogging/writing (or some other kind of self-employment) for my supper?"
ReplyDelete1) I have lived with the mind numbing stressors. Don't do it. It will kill you. Find a way to do what you love.
2) Here is what you have to offer me (a reader from the US). You're offering an inside glimpse of an Australian woman's life. You're talking about the things you struggle with having immigrated to Australia as a child. You're also offering a glimpse of how you struggle to manage your own emotions and still parent effectively (something I struggle with, as well). Good luck. I think you really have something to offer and can make this work.
Great blog post - there is always a head full of stuff happening in our crazy household :)
ReplyDeleteHave you got a passion that you would love to be doing every day? Something that makes you feel happy and complete? That would be what I would be looking for.....Yes money is good but finding a job that you love is also important :)
With regards to what you are donig - keep writing from the heart as that is what will give you a reason to keep going. Be kind to yourself - mother hood is not the easiest job in the world but it is all worth it at the end of the day - still cant believe our oldest is now 17 1/2 and is in the navy???
With moving house - that is not fun...we have done to much of that! Can you find somewhere that has a long lease? Or maybe (just a thought) - have you tried house sitting??
I like how honest you are with your blogging, and that others can connect with what you are feeling/going through. All the best with your blogging speech - so wish I was able to go to the conference in Melbourne :(
Cheers
Lisa
On the work vs business thing... beware the false dichotomy. You can do work AND business. Work does not have to be mind-numbing drudgery, especially if you know it's only a small part of your life. If you don't believe me, read Barbara Sher's 'I could do anything, if only I knew what it was'
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who can't quite support herself fully as an artist. She's recently taken a part-time job as a Hansard reporter, and finding that just about everyone there is in the same boat as her.
I really hope to find regular work that I enjoy, rather than hate. I know it's possible, but while I have a bit of breathing space financially, I want to explore self-employment as much as I can. I hope that once I have a bit of stability accommodation wise, I will make some decisions about work.... Even if it means moving for work ;-)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa. Actually, writing is where I feel most comfortable and passionate at the same time. I would love to write and publish a book. I would love to work with some sort of community organisation that helps people, but from what I've seen the people in those are incredibly overworked, stressed and poorly paid.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that the right job will come along when I start looking for it.
Thanks, Jessie. It's so rewarding to read what people actually get from my blog. I know that we all love stories and finding out about other people's lives. And we love connecting with others. And I love being part of that community.
ReplyDeleteI recently had cause to realise that I also speak for, and to those, with mental illness and hopefully can help them in some way through the blog.
And yes, I had lived with those jobs for 15 years and not prepared to go back....
were you given a reason for not bipolar 2? Severe depression and unstable moods are classic bp2. You dont have to be "up" to be hypomanic - anger, irritability, emotional lability all can be part of hypomania.
ReplyDeleteSounds like too much on yr olate and yr holiday is an awesome idea. Enjoy the solitude!