It seems that he is perfectly normal - for a kid with his intelligence. He simply doesn't know how to relate to most of the kids in his year level. He is perfectly happy talking to adults and kids who share his interests, but the majority of 8 and 9 year old boys in our neighbourhood are a mystery to him.
I can totally relate to this. I was always a "little adult" and found it hard to relate to kids my age. It wasn't 'till I was around ten that I found fitting in a bit easier. By then, I had picked up enough social skills to make lasting friendships.
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To backtrack a bit, I had a follow up chat with the psychologist seeing my son at school.
I some concerns about his social skills, his apparent lack of confidence to try new things, including making new friends.
The good news is that there is nothing "wrong" with my son. He does not show any anti-social traits, nor is he dreadfully shy or anxious. That was simply my baggage.
The only "problem" is that he's very bright.
I already knew that.
He was assessed for school-readiness just before he turned five and the verdict was that he was more than ready. His intellect and thirst for knowledge were way ahead of his social and emotional development, but to hold him back from school, would do more harm than good.
It's not just a matter of IQ. He is incredibly inquisitive and likes to learn the whys and hows of every situation. We watch documentaries on building giant structures, wild animals and factories.
This kid wants to learn. He doesn't want to repeat things over and over, he wants to move on. Way faster than his peers. He's performance in literacy and numeracy is at least a grade level above where he should be.
I suspect that, given half a chance, he would work at even higher levels.
While our school has extension strategies in place for the bright kids, it does not really support their social needs. Which are different from other kids. Their perceptions of the world are different. They continually aspire to perfection, they don't see the point in small talk. I should know.
The conversation with the psychologist soon turned to secondary education. While my son is still only in Grade 3, it seems that now is the time to start thinking about it. Especially, since none of the government schools in our area are likely to meet his needs. The focus of all schools around here is to keep kids at school, stop them leaving at 15/16 and finish year 12. And this has nothing to do with their intelligence.
Education just isn't valued where we live. Education isn't part of the culture. Education is not seen as the way to success. However you want to define success.
Around here, kids leave school early to get jobs, go to TAFE, have babies or go on the dole. They just don't know any better. They don't believe they are capable of any better.
The parents that do value education, send their kids to either catholic or private schools. If they can afford it. And often, they work long hours at several jobs, just so they can.
I don't want to do that. I want to enjoy life, enjoy my kids. Yes, despite the emotional roller-coaster you witness here on the blog, despite my so-called "insanity", I do know where I want to be, how I want to live my life. I know what happiness looks like.
So I am really annoyed.
I guess, if we were to get all political, I would admit that my views are pretty much left of centre. I believe in quality public education for everyone. I don't believe only those with enough money should get all the best opportunities. Or that we should work our fingers to the bone to get it.
I don't like the idea of private schools at all. Even walking past them makes me cringe. I can feel the money and the elitism wafting off them and it makes my skin crawl.
Imagine how much more money our public schools would get if our taxes did not support private or religious education! Imagine what awesome specialist schools we could have!
So where to from here?
Obviously, I can't change the world. Well, maybe I can a little, but not enough to exponentially improve the attitude towards education in my neighbourhood.
I am confident that my son, well, both my boys actually, will do well academically no matter which school they go to. It's the social and emotional stuff that I worry about. I want them to be in a supportive environment with teachers and peers who share at least some of their interests and values.
It seems that my thoughts of a tree change were going in the right direction. Apparently, schools in major regional centres tend to cater for a wider range of students, than suburban ones.
Or I can move to another suburb.
Or have my children commute to a better school.
I know that I will be doing some research. And I know where my heart wants to go. The trees haven't stopped calling...
Time to move to Finland! Best public education system in the world. We really should do so much more publicly, I totally agree. Totally.
ReplyDeleteBut sorry to tell you, if you are living here you will need to start saving those pennies or move to an area where the
Public school offers what you need. There are a few but of course housing in those areas reflects a higher income.
We realized Popps was much like this too, well the paed did when she was 18 months old, found her amazing and wanted to do all sorts of tests which we declined, so we have her booked into a school we hope will be the right one, Immy is booked in too, we have the savings plan underway and I will likely have to work full time during those years, but really, that is what parents do, sacrifice again and again and again and again and....
It sounds like your son needs to meet my 7 (nearly 8) year old! We had all those same issues, and ended up changing schools to one further away. It's one of the best things we did for him - his social skills are improving simply because he's not so bored at school!!! And this is another public school we moved him to :)
ReplyDeleteWell, given that I'm currently doing my Masters in Gifted Education I can attest to the fact that students like your son do have unique social and emotional needs that many, if not most, schools do not cater for. As for some resources to help you...
ReplyDeleteThis website has links for the various states and territories: http://www.aussieeducator.org.au/education/specificareas/gifted.html
Here's the Australian Gifted and Talented Association (ironically they have a really daggy website!):http://www.aaegt.net.au/
If you get a hold of your state's gifted policy, I'm sure you'll find lots of wonderful sentiments about catering for their needs, but in practice?! Pht, yeah, good luck. Gets my blood boiling.
The whole schooling problem is one that has been plaguing me, too. Even though my oldest is only two, it's still something that needs to be considered... I have no faith at all in the public school system. Can't afford private. Have objections to Catholic schools (ie, the fact that they're Catholic). I begin to wonder if I can manage to home-school my girls!
ReplyDeleteI don't think all private schools are necessary elitist (I did go to a government school), they have sprung from a society where people have wanted more than the government is producing in terms of education and many famlies make huge sacrifices to send their kids there. It's a bit of a chicken and egg effect. Parents of private school kids are paying tax as well as school fees and are entitiled to a slice of their education being paid from tax dollars - otherwise many kids would be pushed back into the already stretched public system. I hope you figure out a solution for you and your kids. x
ReplyDeleteThe area we used to live in had crappy government high schools and the only other choices available were highly priced private schools. I wasn't prepared to put in too much money to send my kids to a private school so we managed to move to an area with better options of government schools. We figured, the house acts as an investment and having good government schools in the area is a bonus. I do think however, that it takes a village to change a school. It takes the parents, teachers and principal to make a school work. My husband used to come from what would be considered as blue collar area. Now, that school is one of the good schools in a blue collar area. It goes to show that it can be done.
ReplyDeleteSchools are a funny thing...I always thought that by sending our two older boys to a privat highschool that they would be getting a good education! Since we have done homeschooling (we are homeschooling our four boys) our year 10 boy said he has learnt more this year then any other year! We paid heaps of money, and we struggled every year with the two of them (the fees were huge) going there but we thought it was a good school.
ReplyDeleteI reckon that any schools are going to be fine, as long as your kids want to learn.
Cheers
Lisa
My children go to a private school….but it may surprise you to know that the vast majority of parents are just normal people with normal jobs who simply want something better/more for their child. There is no big money and there is no elitism - just a lovely small school with small classes and a lovely feeling of community. Our decision on where to send our kids was based on placing them where their needs would best be met. That the school might be public or private was irrelevant.
ReplyDeleteWe have chosen to send our kids to a private school. We debated for a long time about where to send them and one of the issues I had was about whether they would grow up to feel like they were 'better' than others because they had gone to what is considered the best school in our area. We decided that we wanted them to have the best education they could have - it didn't matter if it was private or public - just so happens its private - and that we would ensure that they grew up with the qualities, values and beliefs that we felt were important. I don't want my children to be snobs and I don't believe that sending them to a private school will do that. I also agree with Carla. May 'normal'famillies - average families - which we are - choose to send their kids to private schoold. Hope you find the best option for yout son!
ReplyDeleteWe sent Annie along to the Brainwaves club last year run by Gateways http://www.gateways.edu.au/
ReplyDeleteShe really enjoyed the challenge and socialising with peers who have similar interests but it was too expensive for us to continue this year.
I've wondered about this also. Mstr5 has taken to school like a duck to water, but it was realised very early on that he need more of a challenge. We are so lucky that he has a great teacher and that he's in a composite class with Yr 1, so she was able to let him do Year 1 work, but still be part of a prep class, and he has thrived. As the end of the year drew near, it made wonder what to do with him next year.
ReplyDeleteLuckily his teacher wants him in her class next year as well, so my concerns about whether he will be challenged can wait another year. This teacher adapts to his needs, and I have no worries when he's in her class. When his little state school can't do it for him anymore, then I'll have to look at other alternatives, including private school. We love our school, so I hope it never comes to that.
I know that alot of public primary schools have a program called Opportunity Class which lets the kids that need more challenges in school go into a separate class for Years 5 and 6. I did this (many many many years ago) and it was the best years of my school life. Unfortunately 30 odd years ago it wasn't carried on to public high schools unless you applied for a selective school which my parents never looked into as they thought it would cost too much. Wish you and your lovely son good luck, the trick is to keep him challenged otherwise he may get bored then lazy like I did.
ReplyDeleteIt's a really hard situation Dorothy. I know we are in an area where there isn't quality (or even any) secondary school options at the moment and so it's something we are thinking about. I went to a private school and spend a lot of time with girls from the local public school too - they went on fancy overseas holidays, we stayed local during the holidays and went a private school. I don't think private education is necessarily about elitism - for some it's a choice about how they spend their money (ie in the instance above - education or holidays) for others it's just unachievable. That said, if the state had to fund the full education of every student in private schools, in a public system I think we'd all be worse off.
ReplyDelete