Just an ordinary Thursday

carbonnyc

I was inspired to finally write down the events that transpired on that Thursday by Kristin from Wanderlust.  Her post about the events that changed her life made me realise that I was not alone and that writing it all down may be therapeutic.  I am nowhere near the writer that she is, but her story resonated with me for some very obvious reasons.  So, Kristin, this one's for you:

It was 7 in the morning.  Just an ordinary Thursday in March.  The boys were up and watching TV, I was in the shower.

A few minutes in, Ben, then 6, came knocking on the bathroom door to tell me that someone was at the front door.  Thinking it was just some door-knocking salesmen (at 7 am?) I told him to ignore the knocking, that they will go away.

Just as I stepped out of the shower he came in the bathroom again, "Mummy, they really sound like they need to come it!".  Slightly annoyed, I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the door.  I heard someone call my name from outside the open window.  At the door I asked who it was, "Dorothy, it's the Australian Federal Police, we really need to come it, we have a search warrant".  I froze.  "You've got to be kidding?" was all I could say.  "No, Dorothy we're not, open the door and we can show you."  So I did and they did.

So there I was standing, dripping in my towel, my two little kids around me, as several men and one woman, all dressed in sombre dark suits filed into my home and propelled me into a nightmare.

The guy in charge, Alan, showed me the search warrant.  He confirmed my name and address. He asked if my husband was there.  I said no, he had moved out, he was living somewhere else.  They suggested I get dressed so that they could explain it all to me.  The woman took my children into the family room to keep them occupied.

Shaking, I went to my room, closed the door and threw on some clothes.  When I came out, the woman as talking to my children, engaging them in lighthearted conversation.  They all introduced themselves.  The asked for my husband's address.  The man in charge sat me down on the couch, showed me the search warrant, explained what it was for.  Explained what my husband was charged with.  My head was spinning.  I was beside myself.  Literally outside of myself, as if it was happening to someone else.  I asked if I could go take some medication.  He said yes.

In the kitchen, I checked on the kids, they were fine, showing the woman some toys.  I took some valium and went back to the living room.  He asked what I took. I told him.  He asked me why my husband and I were separated, was it to do with the matter mentioned in the search warrant?  I said no, I knew nothing about what he was telling me.  I was beyond shocked. My husband involved in grooming a minor over the internet?  The Federal Police looking for child pornography in my house?  Surely this only happend in TV dramas.  He talked to me for a while calmly, patiently, gently almost. 

He explained what they had to do, even though my husband no longer lived there.  All they were really interested in was the family computer which he had used.  None of his other stuff was there.  Once I gave them his address they began making phonecalls to get a search warrant for his flat.  As I read the search warrant over and over again, the name of the minor registered - it was the daughter of my husband's best man at our wedding.  I knew that he was supposed to be helping her with some homework as she was struggling.  But this????

The police got busy with the computer, I got busy with breakfast and getting the boys ready for school and daycare.  At one point they began talking about my husband and what they had to do at his place right there in the kitchen, in front of my children.  I asked them to take it outside.  They apologised for being so insensitive.  The boss man sat with us through breakfast.  I had to give the police permission on a voice recorder to stay in the house, while I dropped the boys off.

I have no idea how I got through the morning.  When I got home, they were finished.   They asked me not to call my husband to warn him.  They gave me a card for a counsellor.  They left in black SUVsm just like you see in US police dramas.  It was bizarre.

I have no recollection of what I did that day.  I was left numb and shattered.  None of it made any sense.  I think I called my sister.  I know I called my friend telling her I couldn't pick her son up from school.  I know I picked the kids up when I had to.  I tried to call my husband in the afternoon, but could not get an answer.  Eventually, in the evenning, I got a call from the police.  He said they had Stephen there and were going to put him on.  They would corroborate whatever he had to say to me.  He gave me some lame ass excuse about the whole thing.

I am a good mother.  Nothing would have made me go pick him up from the city, as my kids were already asleep.  He didn't even ask. He said he'll take a taxi.

Several months later I learnt that his girlfriend (who he denied was his girlfriend for months) picked him up.  I also learnt that she was there when they came to search his flat and that she took him to see some friends of theirs instead of home.  And yet he came home to me in tears and spent the night.  Little did I know about the true depth of his callousness and duplicity.

I think and hope that my children have forgotten that morning.  I don't think I ever will...

My, now ex, husband, spent four months in prison for his crimes.  I don't know the complete truth about the charges against him or indeed what was said in the courtroom, as I eventually stopped believing anything that he said and he did not want me to attend a single hearing.  I did see the emails that he exchanged with the girl in question and they made me sick. 

He also got an additional suspended sentence of 14 months.  I am told that that is a harsh sentence resulting from a harsh crime.  I know he was in prison, because I visited him there.  Once on his 40th birthday and once around Christmas - only to be brought face-to-face with his non-girlfriend.  His mother and his girlfriend denied the relationship for over a year, while he continued to pretend to want to get back together with me and lied to us both.

He now lives with his mother, his girlfriend and her two young children in country Victoria where they have just opened up a computer/video game shop catering mainly to young people.